Erumpent Horns
by WerewolvesOfLondonAgain
Summary: Scorpius is gorgeous. Lily is freshly-graduated. Anything can happen under the influence of fire-whisky on a beach. Because as you know, beaches are very romantic. LLP/SM, one-shot. Very drabbly. Please R&R, it makes my day. Honestly.


**('o')/ HI. **

**a/n just a few things before you read. Apologies in advance for the completely random writing style. **

**SO:**

_******IN NO WAY AM I ENCOURAGING THE USE OR CONSUMPTION OF ALCOHOL TO ALLEVIATE LIFE'S PROBLEMS.**_

**1) I decided Luna bought what she thought was another another crumple-horned snorkak horn off the black market and stuck it on her wall.**

**2) This ficlet is a very long one-shot thing. I read 'Stop In THe Name Of Pants' before I wrote this. If you don't know what book that is...don't worry. Scroll down. **_**  
**_

**2 1/2) I wrote this in one long go while drinking a pint o' caffeine... BUT i have checked it over three times. My previous fan fiction had words missing or letters missing because I used notebook method to upload it (bad idea), and forgot to save the changes . Because that is the kind of thing I do. **

** But you don't care. Moving on. **

**3) I am not too happy with this. But I wanted to put something out there because I am tired and that is not a good reason buuut... swiftly on to the disclaimer now...**

**I do not own Harry Potter, I am not JK Rowling in disguise, I do not make any profit from this. I am in no way affiliated with Warner Bros or the franchise. The end. **

**Please review. Even to say it was rambling nonsense. (which it was).**

Lorcan and Lysander Scamander's Graduation party (which incidentally, was mine too, seeing as we were the same age) was at their absolutely mental house by the coast. (And by mental, I mean it was purple with a neon green door and a bush of gurdyroots hanging outside). It was a little more than a party for graduating Hogwarts students. My brother, Albus, was invited, as were his mates, his girlfriend, and _her_ girl-mates (and some of the girl-mate's mates too). My cousins all brought their friends, and it turned into an extended party for everyone.

So my best friend Jenna Thomas was lying on a couch somewhere glued to Frank Longbottom, and my other friend Alice (Frank's sister…) was with Louis Weasley (figured that I just managed to pick the girls with boyfriends, huh?) so I resorted to my fellow graduating cousins for company and playful drunken banter.

Anyway, I was slightly miffed at being abandoned by my friends, drowning my sorrows at leaving Hogwarts and the prospects future of a hard job at St Mungo's (I'm a healer-in-training), moaning to Hugo and Lucy when- Scorpius Malfoy shows up. In all his incredibly toned and gorgeous-beyond-words glory. He needed a fucking halo on his head, Merlin. I'd always had a crush on him, ever since he'd been Albus's buddy. And yeah, we were good friends, he used to tutor me for my OWLs, we dragged a pissed Albus home to his flat one night, normal friend-y stuff, but there was _never_ anything more to our friendship.

So anyway, that night I wished we were more than friends.

It wasn't the first time I'd wished that. On the other hand, this time I was drunk, he would probably be so too in an hour and we were both at the same party. Things could happen.

Did I mention that crush came back when he stood there in his jeans and rolled-up-sleeves white shirt? With the top buttons undone? And the bemused blue eyes. And the platinum blonde hair that looked all messy and cute.

_Faint_.

And believe it or not, he starts to come over to _me_. Or vaguely in my direction, they're the same thing really.

And then Lucy (being a prat and a half) scares him away by shrieking suddenly, 'Oh my god, it's an Erumpent horn on the wall!'

There was actually something vaguely resembling a unicorn horn tacked to the bottle-green wall; but not knowing what an Erumpent horn is or was at that moment (and not caring), I just nodded and turned back to where Scorpius was.

Now talking to Albus. Damn. Go away, brother, you stupid fly in the ointment!

(It's a Muggle saying, in case you were unsure or something)

Lorcan then came over dreamily with Dom sucking on his neck and says to the nervous and trembling Lucy, 'that's actually a crumple-horned- snorkak horn. My mother found it in Italy.'

'Lorcan, it's an Erumpent horn, I recognize the markings. It's a class B non-tradable item! It'll explode at the slightest touch! I don't know _why_ you have it in the house or _how_-'

She was quite hysterical. I handed her my drink, because everyone knows alcohol is the answer to all when you are a broke teenager. Who incidentally, is also faced with the dilemma of having a possible grenade taped your friend's living room wall ready to detonate at any given moment and blow you to smithereens.

Like I said, alcohol solves all at these particular moments.

Lorcan just insisted, 'It's a snorkak horn. They're very rare.'

Lucy, can I just say, is never wrong. She looked at Lorcan like he had sprouted five-foot orange tentacles, but he just shrugged and let Dom suck on his face instead. Lucy took a gigantic sip of my drink and looked scandalized at his retreating back, muttering, '_boys.'_

She looked at me for advice. I said nothing.

Truth was, I was well on the road (in the fast lane) to getting plastered. So I didn't think twice about the fact there was an explosive above my head.

Anyway, Hugo and me watched as Lorcan and Dom engaged in some wrestling match with their mouths, when Scorpius came over and said hi. In his super-duper gorgeous way that can only be achieved by the majorly sexy. And those with perfectly even, white teeth and…you get it. Ish.

I like to think the 'hey' was meant solely for me, but because Lucy and Hugo were standing there like lemmings (go away, go _away_!) he couldn't just smile at me and had to act for the team, and so forth.

'Hey,' I tried not to act too interested, instead looking down at my drink enticingly. Which I then realized I had given to Lucy. So technically, I was looking at my hands. Enticingly.

Damn it.

Lucy just nodded at him and shot another wary glance at the horn. She knows Scorpius through my brother, but in general Lucy is a clam when it gets to boys, like my father with girls. Hugo managed a grimace (they don't really get on), and then golden-boy Lawrence McLaggen appeared at _just_ the right time (not) with a stick up his bum and a fire-whisky in hand, like a gigantic oozing slug with a bad blonde afro.

'Hey, Potter-' he slurred, poking my shoulder. Hugo shot him a disgusted look and walked off to find Alice Longbottom to snog, or something, and Lucy just vanished, as Lucy does. But I don't dwell on this. Because it was me, Scorpius and McLaggen-

And can I say for the record, Scorpius was shooting rather annoyed glances at afro-slug as we began to discuss my NEWTs, and McLaggen, well, he was staring at my boobs like they were bloody pink Nifflers in tutus chewing on my chest. No change in that part of his revolting brain, then. What is it with guys and boobs?

Curse Dominique Weasley and her cleavage-popping black dress.

Just as Scorpius was telling me about the various brighter (not) aspects of being a Healer to the dangerous bites ward, McLaggen opened his mouth and as per usual, something disgusting and utterly cringe-worthy comes out.

He was saying, 'Look at _them,_ look at _them_-'

And gesturing to my boobs with his fire-whisky hand, eyes popping out of his smarmy face- I wanted to hit him, so bad. But loosing your cool in front of your seven-year crush isn't the most...mature and enticing way to handle things. And then I remembered I had a wand. And I was a fully qualified over-age witch.

Just as I was wondering what curse to use instead (demonstrates intellectual self, apparently guys like that shit- bonus point) Scorpius grabbed my hand. (I nearly fell into McLaggen with shock- note to self; never wear six-inch wedges while getting drunk/around Scorpius)

He then said, 'Come on, Lily.'

In this irritated voice, come to think of it. And we walked away from McLaggen, who took an almighty gulp of alcohol and started hitting on Roxanne instead. Thank god she was wearing stilettos, I thought. Roxy packs a hefty kick, and she doesn't hesitate to use it on guys (and girls who flirt with her guys- it's like a scene from a King-Fu movie when that happens).

So back to real life- then Scorpius Malfoy began to talk. And oh my god, his voice was like chocolate. Really smooth and deep and it made me smile like an idiot. And it wasn't even a nice controlled pouty smile- it was ear-to-ear grinning fandango. I tired to remember if I'd eaten salad for dinner. I did _not_ want green things in my teeth, on full display.

And Scorpius said how much he'd really missed me (which I thought was a bit much, considering it had been two weeks since I'd seen him at the joke shop in Hogsmead (he works there part time while studying to be a Healer)) and so on. And I just nodded.

And said, really sexy things, like 'ugghghgh.'

He said, 'That McLaggen bloke is…'

I decided cut in and finish with, 'a sleazeball.'

For some unknown reason, Scorpius suddenly looked quite happy. He handed me a drink cheerfully.

And then he looked at me and said, 'shall we go outside?'

I managed to nod, and my heart did the swoopy thing that all romantics prattle on about in poems, like the way it felt you were on a rollercoaster when he touched your hand, how you felt all warm and tingly and insanely happy, etc.

Yeah, I got_ that_ feeling.

The Scamanders lived by the sea, and we found a nice comfy bit of pebble (as you do) and sat down, all the stars twinkling like idiots. And Scorpius began to talk again, and I mumbled and dithered whenever he paused. Hopefully he thought it was something mildly intelligent. I didn't want him to know that his manly charms (i-e voice and eyes and hair and smile and damn, was that a six pack under that shirt?! I think it was).

Scorpius has really blue eyes. Like, light blue-ish with flecks of slivery-grey, like an old man's beard. Like someone stuck a bit of the beard hair on his eyeballs or something and suddenly there were little chunks of grey and silver in the magical sexual mixing pot of blue and sky-blue and a hint of indigo-

And then Scorpius said, 'So do you want to?'

And I said, 'What?'

Oh, Lily. God, giddy Merlin's buttery pants _Lily_, you idiot.

He rolled his eyes and took my hand (goosebumps) and somewhere above, the stars were winking at us and trilling 'get _yo-ou_'. But I didn't care.

He said, 'Will you go out with me sometime?'

And I said, 'Yes.' And because I thought that was a little too eager, I added, 'If I don't have an appointment or- or a meeting going on, I'm very in demand at the moment, you know. For- um, my cooking skills.'

What? _What_? Where did that come from?

Subconsciously, I think that was my attempt at hard-to-get. Oh, the shame.

Scorpius chuckled and reached out and stroked my hair. I went the traditional Weasley maroon. I was a beetroot in a dress with a red wig and mascara.

Apparently though, considering what happened next, Scorpius liked beetroot girls in dresses and mascara.

Because then he kissed me. And at the same time, wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer so that I could practically smell his neck.

Sounds kind-of gross, right? Aha, so you think! It was a good-smelling neck. A _great_ smelling neck. It was like boy-cologne and all this musky stuff that I can't describe. Imagine it yourself. Yum.

I swear on Merlin's left buttock, it was the best damn kiss ever. And I would know, because I've kissed a lot of people. His lips were soft and he had nice velvet hair- not crunchy or greasy like, for example **cough** McLaggen **cough**.

But carrying on, this kiss one was by far the best. And I could hear the sea crashing, and the muffled sounds of the Weird Sister's latest track in the house, and laughter and his hands were around my waist (heading south- thank god James was in London or he would murder Scorpius) and I was really getting into it when-

The house exploded.

Scorpius pulled away and glanced at it, with that slightly dazed look of one who has been pummeled by a bludger too many times.

I like to think he was quite literally blown away by my hitherto unknown-to-me kissing skills.

'What was that?'

My brain connected to my mouth for once, and I said, 'Just an erumpent horn. They explode on contact, you know.' In this matter-of-fact voice, like Uncle Percy trying to explain atoms and protons to Fred Weasley (take two) over breakfast.

Merlin, I was turning into Radio Lucy. Scorpius just looked at me.

'Oh. Okay.'

And then he began to kiss me all over again.

**PS. Lily is not an alcoho****lic or whatever. She is just a teenager who is at a house-party; she is seventeen, and this is her night off.**

**Let me say again:**

**IN NO WAY AM I ENCOURAGING THE USE OR CONSUMPTION OF ALCOHOL TO ALLEVIATE LIFE'S PROBLEMS. **

**Why did I write this? **

**Very little Scorpius/Lily interaction at all, and the ending..? I just wanted to finish with something weird. Don't worry- everybody survived the explosion, I think. They were all outside watching Fireworks or something, oh I don't know. **

**I think there's more about other characters than Lily and Scorpius, actually. Oops. But thanks for making it this far. **

**Please review. Even to say it was rubbish or mildly mental and crap. I'm not choosy, honest. The reviews are like coffee on a bus at seven am. (ie. Very Good & Much Appreciated.)**

**;) ('o')/ **


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